A CLEAN ENERGY FUTURE FOR HAWAII & MAUI

Melanie And Phyllis

A question comes in from a local contractor sounding like this: I have a good reputation with my customers.  I pay attention to details for them.  Sometimes I run into problems when I give feedback to my crew or ask them to re-do something that hasn’t been done correctly.  A couple of times I’ve had to let workers go because they don’t handle the correction well.  Do you have any suggestions so I can improve how I give feedback and/or handle these discussions when a worker takes offense?

Let’s start by making an assumption: Conflict between boss and employee, or between employees is fairly inevitable.  Feedback and correction are always going to be a part of these relationships.  Given that, how can you as the employer create comfort, set the stage, so that everyone is prepared to navigate these discussions gracefully and productively? 

Corporate research is finding that the most successful leaders are those who are actively working to improve their own leadership.  This means constantly seeking the comments of employees on how the ‘boss’ can improve.  The next step is to model openness when receiving the feedback and comfort with changing course in just the way you’d like your workers to be flexible and adjust after your feedback.

You or your supervisor can also add that you are open to suggestions about how the feedback you give the worker can be given most effectively. 

These suggestions are ways that you can change your leadership style and your team environment.  Changing yourself gains you the most control over the outcome because changing someone else is darned close to impossible.  Thank you for your question.  We welcome your comments and questions.  Call us if you’re ready to improve your leadership to build the best business organization possible.

Photo: ‘Chopping Wood‘ GreenOnePhoto

No More Pepto Bismol:

Make Your Family Meals the Highlight of Your Day

There’s a lot to be said for digestion.  There’s also a lot of research that shows the family dinner table is one of the most important settings for young people to gain stability and security.  Given those two assumptions, it makes sense that we do everything we can to make meals calm, pleasant and desirable events to sit down to.  And yet, how often do family meals spark tense, combative conversations that have everyone wishing they were somewhere else?  What can be done to turn down the heat while we eat?

TIP: Make an agreement with your family that arguments will be put on hold during meal times.  Ask each family member what one thing they think would help make meals enjoyable.  Put those ideas to use.  Ex. Have each person share a highlight of his or her day.  Your teenager may roll her eyes at first but, over time, will join in.

Meals may be the only time people have a chance to sit and talk together, given the busy lives we all lead.  The tension of the day, or on-going family issues, can naturally pop up when the family stops to gather.  To win peace at family meals will take two commitments: to keep the conversation on a positive note, and to make separate time for the other challenging, but necessary, conversations.  For the first commitment, try creating together a silent signal that anyone is allowed to use to remind everyone else at the table to keep conversation positive.  A wiggling pinky finger can bring a much-needed chuckle from everyone and get that relaxed digestion going again.

For the second commitment, when you’re ready to have those challenging conversations, call us to make them productive and positive.  We can help!

Ostrich, Bulldog, Honey Bee, Oxen, Turtle?

“Why can’t you stand there and fight like a woman?”  “Why do you always give in to me?”  “He comes on so strong, it’s impossible to disagree with him!”

It’s not unusual to be absolutely stumped by how another person handles a little argument or simple difference of opinion.  His/her response might seem so overblown, or so withdrawn, you wonder if you’re both of the same species. 

Welcome to the world of ‘Conflict Styles’.  Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann defined five different conflict styles: ways in which each of us tends to handle disputes with others.  The five styles:

• Competing: assertive, uncooperative
• Avoiding: unassertive, uncooperative
• Accommodating: unassertive, cooperative
• Collaborating: assertive, cooperative
• Compromising: intermediate assertiveness and cooperativeness

Each style can shine in at least some situations .  For example, firefighters need to be assertive and uncooperative in an emergency.  They know what needs to happen; they make it happen.  Or, avoiding a chance meeting with an angry bully may be the best way to stay unharmed.

 TIP: Take into account the different conflict styles of the people around you, whether at home or work.  To make communication possible when conflict arises, manage the situation to create comfort for each style.

Ideally, each person identifies their own conflict style and learns to expand their options.  But you can suggest a timeout when someone is coming on strong, while another is shrinking into his/her shell.  Sometimes the simple act of naming what is happening, along with stating a hope for good communication, can do wonders.  Ex. “Things have gotten heated.  It seems like each of us is handling this in a different way.  I hope we’ll be able to talk more easily about this important issue if we take a short break.”                                                                                                                                            

photo by zert.sonstige_2008                                                                        

‘Denial’

The alternative energy movement on Maui and in Hawaii is going strong.  The newWashington administration is supporting alternative energy AND providing funding to get it moving.  County and State Initiatives are engaged in preliminary planning to make Hawaii and Maui largely energy independent in the near future.  Residents of the Valley Isle and the other Hawaiian Islands may be curious about what stages the initiatives are at currently and how soon we can all expect to see changes.  And what will those changes be?  Plus, when do we get to add our 2 cents to the plans?

We, too, are curious, so we set out to get the lowdown on the state of alternative energy today.  We are interviewing representatives of many facets of this movement to better understand what’s going on, who’s working with whom, what opportunities are arising, and what some of the challenges are.

Not surprisingly, this alternative energy movement is complex, involving many businesses, agencies, interests, technical challenges and social impacts.  Our desire is to take this complexity and transform it into easily understandable information that can explain what’s going on. 

Our interviews aren’t over yet, but soon we plan to produce a picture for the public of this exciting and State-changing movement.  We’ll also offer links to resources where you can find out more.

Aloha, Melanie

‘Blades’ by  foreby                            ’Solar Panels’ by roddh

                                        ES Two Chairs

PART 2: SETTING THE STAGE FOR YOUR NEXT $ CONVERSATION

If you’re like us, you’ve had the misfortune of experiencing an unplanned money conversation.  These may start when you’re just drifting off to sleep, or when you’re dog-tired from a day of work, or when you’re surrounded by family members.  Maybe you’ve begun the conversation out of a fit of frustration, or your partner has launched into one out of fear and desperation.  No matter; the important quality we’re drawing your attention to is that the conversation is unplanned.

We suggest you make a pact with yourself that you will not take part in unplanned conversations of a difficult nature ever again!  This means controlling yourself so you don’t start one, and respectfully interrupting the other person if he/she begins a money conversation without your permission.

Here’s why: your chances of having a successful, satisfying difficult conversation go up markedly when everyone is ready and the time has been set aside.  Try these strategies:

• Choose the time and place that will give the conversation the best chance of success.  For example, when all are well-rested, not hungry, feeling relaxed.

• Make it a private conversation, out of earshot of others, especially children.

• Make a date.  Ask permission to have the conversation.  If it isn’t given, ask for a future time when the person would be ready.

• Make money conversations a regular event.  Don’t let things back up until the tension feels overwhelming.

• If you have a routine in how you have money conversations, break it.  Bring treats to sweeten the atmosphere.  Get out of your typical environment- the usual scene of the crime.

• Start gently.  You can give an overview of where you think the two of you stand, at present.  Add your wish for how this conversation will go.  For example, “I’m really hoping that we can keep our fine working relationship in mind as we talk about this touchy subject.”

• Be prepared to listen and ask questions.  This will achieve two things: First, it will interrupt any arguing that might begin, slowing the conversation down so there’s time to think.  Second, you will give the other person a chance to really discover and share with you what makes the specific conversation so difficult: useful information!  Ask for a turn after you’ve given some good attention.

• Be tuned into escalating emotions.  Watch out for the attack-blame-defend-attack cycle.  If these happen, take a break and start over.  

• Take time to appreciate a job well done.  Talk about what worked, what you appreciated or noticed about the other’s presentation.

• Always consider the future in all decision-making.  How will this work in 6 months, one year, five years, etc? Any real resolution must work for both people over the long haul.  At the same time, build flexibility into your decisions, the ability to change something that isn’t working.

• Put aside ‘winning’ and make it your mission to find solutions together that work and will be satisfying for all concerned.  Now that’s ‘winning!’

Try these strategies out and let us know how they work for you.  Our mission is to offer tools to make conversations positive events that brighten your day.

Aloha, Melanie

                                                                                                  Photo by  rm2photo

  

  Are you sick of hearing about the economy and dealing with your own  personal or business finances in this ‘economic downturn’?  You’re in  good company.  Money is one of most peoples’ least favorite topics of  conversation.  If you want to raise your blood pressure, lose your cool    and distance yourself from your partner, launch into an unplanned discussion about this tough subject. 

But even more hazardous is the option of NOT talking about money.  People across the U.S. are choosing suicide as an alternative to dealing with the stress they are experiencing around foreclosures and tight money situations.  Often the person closest to them is unaware of how extreme the stress is.  Something is wrong with this picture! 

With the aim of giving you some tools to navigate these treacherous waters, we embark on a two-part series on Money Conversations.  Let’s begin with giving you some attention.

Any time you can become more aware of what you are thinking, feeling, needing and experiencing you will be better prepared to stay on balance during these challenging conversations.  With that in mind, here are some questions to consider:

What from your past is showing up in the present?

• Money lessons learned (helpful & unhelpful) from your childhood
• Events that affected how you deal with money and think about it
• Values you use when money is the issue

What causes you to react in these conversations?  Often, our reactions can get repetitive and ‘knee-jerk’.  Can you identify what happens that stimulates those reactions?

• A gesture, facial expression or comment made by another person
• A situation

What is the reaction?

• A tight stomach, shallow breathing, sweaty palms
• Withdrawal, confusion, speechless
• An angry outburst, defensive comment, blaming comeback

What can/do you do to calm yourself?

• Deep breathes, relax shoulders
• Take a time out, go for a walk, physical activity
• A soothing phrase, prayer 

Daniel Goleman, the author of several books on Emotional Intelligence, warns us that brain research has shown it takes 20 minutes to calm down from an “emotional hijack”.  You know what that is: that state where you are no longer thinking but merely reacting to the perceived threat coming from the other person.  Your stomach may tighten, hands sweat, face flush, breath get shallow.  Get familiar with that state.  When you’re in it, take a break.  When you’re on your way toward it, take a break.  When you’re able to avoid that state, you’re making progress! 

One effective way of interrupting a heated argument is to decide to listen to the other person.  Stop talking, start listening.  Ask questions so you can really understand where the other person is coming from, what he/she is feeling, what’s important enough to get upset about.  You may gain some new information.

Next installment will be focused on some strategies for planning ahead to create the best environment for a discussion that ends with satisfaction for all.

                                                                                                                photo by  charcarson

Such a loaded holiday!  What should I give her?  Is it enough?  How will he interpret it?  Can I afford it?  Why don’t I have someone thinking of me?  Am I lovable?

No matter what gender you are, whether or not you have a partner, how old you are, Valentines Day can be your chance to tell another human being something you really want  her/him to know.  Something you’ve been hesitant to tell him/ her, for whatever reason.  Something that’s really important to you and will create a stronger bond between you and this other human being because you’ve shared your heart.  

The arrow Cupid shoots into the heart creates a chance to let some of the deep, inner expression of each of us escape into the light of day.  It won’t cost you a dime and the sweet treat is yours to be tasted.

Happy Valentines Day!

Photo- En el cor del kiwi, by αlfanhuí

                                                                                Reflection of a heart

by Nganguyen

Help! My Manager is Killing Me !                                               

If you want a productive, motivated and healthy workforce, pay careful attention to the quality and skills of your managers.  We already know that employees could feel apathetic about work if they don’t feel appreciated by their superiors, and that productivity could suffer if goals and expectations aren’t presented clearly.  Now it turns out that these same conditions can actually be hazardous to your health.

 In a November 25, Boston Globe article titled “Heart Attack, eh? Boss May be Cause!” , a 20-year Swedish study following 3,100 men stated, 

“Swedish researchers report today that workers saddled for four years with managers who were inconsiderate, opaque, uncommunicative, and poor advocates were about 60 percent more likely to suffer a heart attack or other life-threatening cardiac condition. By contrast, employees whose managers exhibited robust leadership skills were roughly 40 percent less likely to suffer heart emergencies.”

Of course there are many reasons to have competent managers trained in good ‘people skills’ i.e. clear communication, fairness, non-reactivity, compassion, and directness.  If the health of your employees doesn’t convince you it’s time to up your professional training ante, consider your bottom line: re-training, sick days, lowered productivity, complaints, and unclear job expectations, leading to less-than-great job performance.  All of these cost time and money.

But we’re betting that you do care about your employee’s health.  So take this article to heart (pun intended) and help your managers be all that they can be.  Our guess is everyone will be healthier for your efforts.

          Aloha,  Melanie

En el cor del kiwi, by αlfanhuí

How many times have you heard your friend, family member or co-worker repeat the same complaint?  How many times have you uttered the same dissatisfied comment to someone you know?  What is it with complaining anyway?  We don’t particularly want to hear complaints, but we can’t keep from spitting them out ourselves.  Is it just the cost of being human?

Let’s take a different approach.  Look at complaining as an inefficient request for attention.  Something’s not right, don’t know what it is exactly, don’t know what to do about it, but it’s driving me/you/him/her crazy.  Every complaint is a statement of frustration and impasse.  If we knew what to do, we wouldn’t need to complain.  Complaining is our signal that attention needs to be paid.

In a business, a manager, owner or human relations director has several options for how to handle complaints using this different approach.  And we do suggest handling complaints.  Uncontained complaining, dissatisfaction and grousing drags the whole organization down.  People take sides, communication suffers and morale lowers.

If you want to achieve the organization you’ve envisioned, with an upbeat, proactive work environment, here are a few options:

1. Train your employees to recognize and manage their own complaints. 

Give them the skills and tools to catch themselves when they are in that uncomfortable state of dissatisfaction that fosters complaining.  Help them learn to identify what is really going on that’s causing the discomfort.  Teach them ways to consciously, forthrightly address the issues.  Help them come to terms with the issues that can’t be easily resolved.  Help them experience the empowerment of mastering their negative feelings and transforming them into positive change. 

2. Invite and welcome constant feedback.

Give your employees permission to be experts in their area.  Train them to give clear insights into what is not working and how it could be improved.  Transmit the message that yours is a living, breathing organization that needs the wise input of every member.  Make complaints obsolete.  Every complaint is welcome when clearly and productively stated.  Every manager is open to feedback for positive growth.

3. Build awareness and skills to make each employee a complaint sounding board.

Equip your employees with the tools to help each other constructively process each other’s grumblings.  Just as each person can learn to recognize his/her own discomfort, co-workers can recognize and address each other’s discomfort.  Support an atmosphere that has 0% tolerance for repetitive whining and 100% expectation of attention and assistance to tackle the toughest obstacles.  Train your employees to stop a budding complaint in its tracks with good questions, good listening and the support to take initiative to resolve the issue.

4. Model the behavior and skills you wish your employees to make use of.

Be a shining example of take-charge attitude.  Recognize your own frustrations and attend to them.  Leave no stone unturned when shining a light on unresolved complaints.  Help employees deal directly with their issues, while you deal with your own.  Listen genuinely to the ideas of others. Invite opinions that differ from your own.  Create a culture of curiosity and trust. 

One minister in Kansas City took a direct approach to helping his parishioners become aware of their complaining.  Read about his “No more complaints” bracelet in this Christian Science Monitor article.

If any of the options we’ve mentioned sounds interesting to you, and you’d like some further details, give us a  call.

Aloha, Melanie

photo downloaded from bigfoto.com